FROM CONTROLLING TO CONNECTING!

What's the point of controlling if you are never safely
experiencing joy, happiness, ease and flow because
your hyper vigillant (controlling) part(s) is always
expecting for "Another shoe is going to drop again!"

Hello, Lovely:

What's your relation to controlling?

Perfectionist, anyone?
People-pleaser, anyone?
Overdoer or overachiever, anyone?
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What does CONTROL look like?

Here are a few examples:

We exhaust ourselves by trying to make everything perfect.
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We live in anxiety and fear in our attempt to feel "safe."
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We stop taking risks because we're afraid of failing.
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We don't let our children make their own mistakes.
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We hurt our relationship because our partner feels like they need to walk on eggshells.
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We become the person whose anxiety impacts the friend or family group.

What are some of your personal examples that you can add to this list?
​

This type of control was formed by our younger part, who at that time
did not have the right resources, support, tools and knowledge.
She felt scared, unsure and uncertain. She is your inner child.

That part of us had to respond to life's chaos, uncertainty, instability and fear by
creating this hyper vigilant state of controlling (fight/flight) so that she wouldn't
- get hurt,
- get disappointed,
- get punished,
- get criticized.

These hidden relational agreements are still stored in our body and in
our nervous system and they are trying so hard to protect and support us
because they worked for so many years.

Now, as an adult, you start experiencing some self-sabotaging behaviors
that keep you stuck in the same "survival" loops no matter how much
you are trying to control the flow of life. You want to expand. You want
to experience different results in your relationships, business and life but
you bring yourself wherever you go and life reflects what needs your love
and attention - your scared, fearful parts.

Many of my clients say that they want to feel connected to themselves,

people they love, life itself and the Universe. They want to trust themselves
and life.

Do you want more trust, love and connection in your life?

Do you want to navigate your relationship with yourself, others and life
based on trust and connection?

Yes, it is possible!

The antidote of controlling is CONNECTING!
Our heart opens through connection because connection feels safe.
Safety is the base point for your expansion. Your nervous system state
sets your point of safety.

Learning to connect to your younger part(s) who holds a pattern of controlling
as your safety keys to help you not to get hurt is what helps you open your
heart to deeper healing of your heart wounds and come home to your whole self.

And, no, you will not get out of control when it happens.

You will experience a different form of "controlling" that feels like
connection, trust and flow.

When you open your heart to love your scared part(s) and help
them release survival charges somatically (thru the body), you
will let your heart energetically breathe and restore the rhythm of
your nervous system towards more trust, love and connection.
It's like restoring your heart's valve that can pump life through again.

Being hyper vigilant and in control is not the only state of your
nervous system. It's not the only state of life that is designed not
only based on survival but also based on thriving.

Being connected and safe is another state of the nervous system.
It is a state of regulation. It starts by bringing this scared and
fearful part closer into your heart with love and integrating her
into your Whole Self.

When you fell like your Whole Self again, you take your power back.
- power of choice and agency
- power of how you respond to life vs react to life
- power of opening your heart through connecting vs through bracing against life
- power of holding space for life's flow while you commit to your life creations
- power of deeper knowing that Life is not here to hurt you but here to love you

This power through your own heart connection is a form of control but
the difference is that you have nervous system capacity (your state of regulation)
and your ability to process your emotional spirals to remain in your personal
power vs circumstantial power that your younger self perceived as a threat.

After all, what's the underneath layer of your controlling?
It is a false sense of power.

Your real power is your Connection to yourself and all your parts.
Your real power if your rewiring your subconcsious patterns at the body
and nervous system level.

You can start this process by simply noticing how bracing, gripping, and control
arise in your body. And instead of reacting to this tightness,
pause, take a breath, and ask the part of you that's holding:

"What are you afraid you would have to feel if you softened your grip?"

This question can take you very deep, revealing the underlying
fear that's causing your control pattern.

Ready for support?
Let's Connect!